the unknown...

to my sweet girl kadey,

that was quick!  we used to jokingly say that since we're going to have three boys, one day maybe God would bless us with a little girl with red hair.  i think he misunderstood because he sent us a little girl with NO hair!  (really, i think WE misunderstood.)

here are the things we don't yet know:  how to spell your first name (for sure), your last name, your exact age, where your parents are, if your parents are living, if you have biological siblings, what kind of ways you've suffered, and how you survived.

here are the things we do know:  you are LOVED by us, by your brothers, by the other kids at the center, and by the staff.  we know you are extremely smart, you're beautiful, you're funny, you have a gorgeous giggle, you're a talented drummer, you love to learn, you love to be hugged and kissed, and you are a survivor.

pastor daniel took us to see where you used to stay sometimes.  the building was very small with cement walls, no glass in the windows, no electricity, and no running water.  the roof was made of sheets of tin with rusted holes in them.  there was a woman on the front porch.  i'm not sure if this is the woman who sometimes let you in her door, but i met this woman the following sunday at church.  i was holding you and so she approached us and told me she was your auntie.  i recognized her as the lady from the porch.  she was not very kind, and she did not seem friendly.  you didn't really have a reaction to her, but you were also getting sick and had a fever.  i held you almost that entire morning during church because your head hurt.  every once in a while you'd look at the children from the community that had come to church that day and call them your sisters and brothers.  you still seemed unfazed by them.

kadey, you will be a challenge for me.  raising any child is a challenge, raising any adopted child is sometimes even more of a challenge, but raising kadey?  that feels like a whole different ballgame!  i don't know in what way you will be more difficult, but i do know that these difficulties will be the reason your story will be that much more incredible and miraculous.  sometimes my favorite quote to apply to so many different situations in life is, "it's the hard that makes it great."  rarely is something great or extraordinary if it comes easy, and these are the rules we Spillmans have chosen to live by.  it's not about easy or safe or normal.  it's about living life for God, stepping out of our comfort zone, having faith that we are doing what we are meant to do and will succeed at it, and wildly pursuing the unknown.  God promises that we will find him in the unknown.  how else are we to discover him if we pursue him in comfortable and safe ways?

you are the unknown, and i love you as that.  to me, that says your story is extraordinary and God-driven.

love,
mom

and p.s. - since we left last week, i've been told you don't fight anymore.  that makes me a proud momma!