dear wonderful, amazing, wanted, loved boys -
we get to see you in three days. i remember when it was six months! and now here we are... dad and i have talked to a lot of people that have traveled to Africa and seen some really tough stuff. they almost all have the same experience - you'll go, it'll be hard, you'll come back to America, and you'll try to get back to normal. some people do and some people don't. you go with your eyes and your heart open, a survivalist mentality, and lots of optimism.
everyone is wishing me luck. everyone is asking me if i'm nervous. and everyone is being very encouraging. they're warning me of the long recovery period. when we get back, i'm supposed to take it easy and give myself plenty of time to heal. it sure doesn't sound like i'm taking a trip - it sounds like i'm going in for open heart surgery...
i know i am coming to see you with a very open heart. a heart laid wide open. a heart that wants to love you and wants you to love it back. my heart is going to see the orphanage where you live, the extremely poor community where that orphanage is, and the very unfortunate children in that community that aren't lucky enough to be in the orphanage. this heart will see the good and the bad. the happy and the sad. the charity and the injustice. the living and the dying. the love and the indifference.
it will see you for the first time ever and tell you hello and give you a welcoming hug. it will see you for the last time for many months and tell you goodbye and give you a tearful hug. i have done my best to prepare my heart for this tough journey of adopting you, but i don't know if there's anything to prepare my heart for this first trip. all i know is to soak up every second of love and worry about the hurt later.
it sounds silly but i believe god is performing this operation on my heart. He is taking a vulnerable and weak heart and opening it to a lot of hurt. for a while it will feel the opposite of good, but i know eventually the healed heart will be stronger than it ever was before He got a hold of it.
the ultimate thing i know is that with this open and hurting heart come three little boys who also have hurting hearts. these little boys need love, love, and more love. lucky for us all, dad and i have all that love and then some to heal your hearts, and i have a feeling our hearts, too, will be healed when we finally get you home.
love,
mom
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