another one...

dear boys,

this is going to be a long one.  our family had a very different day two and three in Sierra Leone.  it was by far the hardest time for me - harder than the hospital visit, harder than the community visit, and harder than bathing with rain water the last night we were there!

day two found dad in emotional confusion.  he had been jokingly telling us to "keep that little girl away from me.  she's breaking my heart."  that little girl was kadey, one of the newest kids to the center and arguably the worst case TRS has ever taken in.  she was found by a previous team while they were ministering in the community down the street.  she was dirty, hungry, sad, and sick.  she had a skin disorder - a fungus - all over her scalp and parts of her body that prevented hair from growing.  so all the children and even the adults in the community made fun of her.  they wanted nothing to do with kadey because of her skin issue.  many people believe that disorders are a curse from the devil, and so they treat these people as outcasts.  the team that found kadey heard people calling her "lucifer" and taunting her.

thankfully, that team - especially a woman named stephanie - felt compelled to do something for this little girl.  they were told she did not have parents and only sometimes had someone to care for her, provide her with food and a place to sleep.

eventually, kadey was able to come to the center and live there.  safe, three meals a day, a bed, medical care, and a community who loved her.  when kadey first came to the center she didn't really talk.  she ate with her hands, she slept on the floor, and she fought.  a lot!  by the time we met kadey, she had been in the care of TRS for almost a month, and boy had she come a long way already!  she was speaking all the time, understood english, and slept and ate like a champ.

kadey found dad the first day.  she wanted to be held constantly, and so dad and i took turns holding her and playing with you guys.

dad found kadey the second day.  i didn't know it, but he went searching for her.  asking people around the center where the little girl with no hair was, and he found her.

that night, right before dinner, dad told me he was wrecked.  wrecked for this little girl with such a hard past.  this little girl with eyes that were scary because they reflected so much life.  he was feeling like we were supposed to love this little girl and make her part of our forever family and maybe even adopt her.  imagine my surprise!  this was coming from a man who for a long time didn't know how we were going to handle three boys, but "at least they're boys, he said.  i'm terrified of little girls...i wouldn't know what to do with a daughter!"  suddenly, he's telling me God has given us a daughter.  so i said yes, though i didn't feel the gut pull toward kadey.  she spoke to his heart and my heart was busy speaking to yours.

day three was torture.  we brought all four of you to the guest house that afternoon, and tried explaining that kadey was going to be part of our forever family.  i think at first you thought we were abandoning you.  that we didn't want our three boys anymore, we wanted the new girl at the center.  foday, you were sobbing.  abdul, you became just as upset.  (suf, you were just glad to be at the guest house!)  Auntie Kayla was so helpful and took kadey away to play so we could talk to you guys.  it was so hard.  it broke my heart to see you so upset.  we asked Uncle Osseh to come over and tell you guys in Krio what it meant to add kadey to our family.  that it was just one more person to love!  that we didn't love you any less, that you weren't any less our sons.  we spent the majority of the day trying to comfort your hurt feelings, but it was tough.  you felt someone infringing on our family, and you were upset about it.  i understood, and i wondered if we'd made a mistake.

eventually things leveled out.  by day four, we'd all spoken with Uncle Daniel and Quami and i think you finally understood.  a family is a hard thing to share, especially when you haven't had one for three years.  especially when you have to share with someone you hardly know.  someone who's a little bit different, a little scary, a little scrappy, and just unfamiliar.  by the end of our trip everyone was okay.  we had the support of the staff, the other kids, forever families, and most importantly, our three sons.

you take such good care of each other and you watch out for one another.  we know one day you will include kadey as a sibling that you'll protect no matter what.  she needs that love and protection so bad. i'll be praying every day that you accept her as you do each other.

i love you.  and i miss you.

mom