they're a blessing and a curse. i dreamed last night that dad and i came to visit you guys! you were at the beach, and we surprised you by showing up for a visit! sufian, you saw us first and you jumped into dad's arms. i was sort of standing back watching everything, and kaday you smiled but said, "where's mom?" with sadness in your voice. so i walked toward you and smiled, and said, "kaday!" you just beamed and ran to me and i picked you up and hugged you and held you for a long, long time.
we all decided to go find abdul and foday. we walked down the beach with dad holding sufian and me holding kaday. we saw foday and abdul racing some other boys near the water, so we yelled and they came running over to us and we hugged and laughed and hugged! we were all so happy.
i woke up and i was in a happy mood because it was like i'd gotten to see you all! and then that sort of faded, and i started to get sad because it was like i'd gotten to see you but really i hadn't. i started to think that i can't wait to get you boys home...maybe in January? but then that made me think that i'll have to do the hardest thing i've ever done in my life, and that is leave you behind, kaday, while we try to find a way to adopt you.
i got this picture of you today from Auntie Megan:
kaday, you look very happy and healthy, and it looks like maybe the medication i sent you for your fungal virus is helping! when i asked you about it, you said, "mom, it is bitter! it is sweet!" haha. you don't really know if you like it or not.
my heart is a little bit happy and a little bit crushed today, and that's pretty much been the general emotion the whole way through this adoption thing. but we have good news! we got our letters of provisional approval this past week for the boys, so we are one step closer.
i love you all. i miss you all. i can't wait to see you again.
love,
mom
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