dad is, too. we got a call wednesday morning letting us know that our case would be discussed with the judge on July 4th. we had a big decision to make. we decided dad would travel to be there in the event we weren't given a court date, and if we were, he would be there to go to court with you boys. we also knew this would give dad a chance to meet your birth family and to meet the judge who would grant us guardianship of you!
so dad got on a plane 48 hours later. we packed up candy, basketballs, clothes, school supplies, and other useful things. we found out shortly before he got on the plane that we had been give a court date of July 10. in what was (i'm sure) not a coincidence, July 10 was also Kaday's 7th birthday. big day. we've known all along that it will be hard for you, Kaday, to understand why you won't be going to court with your brothers. that it will be hard for us to walk away and leave the center with our boys to bring them home to America and have to leave you there, if only temporarily, while we fight to make you our daughter, too.
here's the thing. international adoption is so unknown, never guaranteed, and things can change in an instant. we had to decide - do we go ahead and move forward with the adoption of our sons or do we wait indefinitely to try to bring you all home at once? Kaday, your family is resistant to adoption, but i don't understand their reasons. i don't support their actions, and i don't understand why they are resistant to allowing others to give you a hopeful future when they don't seem interested in giving you one themselves. so we asked God, and we decided we would continue to move forward in bringing the boys home and continue to fight to bring your family around to the idea of adoption.
Kaday, i think you understand what that means. the thought of you feeling abandoned AGAIN, feeling left behind AGAIN, feeling tossed away AGAIN breaks my heart. but i know you are in a wonderful place, and your caregivers will help you know that you are loved by Jesus, me, and dad. that we WILL be back for you. that we will NOT stop fighting for you or give up on you. NEVER. someday, we WILL bring you home.
so dad is stressed. he's pretty overwhelmed with suddenly being a single dad to four very excited, chatty, spirited, and smart (sometimes too smart!) kids. that's hard in the best of circumstances, and it's about 100 times harder when you're tired from travel, worried about legal matters, emotional about what's next, and hot and sweaty. Sufian and Kaday, i think you two are going to turn him gray! the only good thing about how much you two fight is that you fight as much as a lot of brothers and sisters do, so we tell ourselves this is a good thing in some ways!
we have talked every day, and he's shared some experiences with me. i want to remember these things, so here are a few of them:
- about 10 minutes after you first saw him, Kaday, you said, "dad, will you be back in September?" he laughed and said, "but i'm here now!" and you insisted that he must return in September because we had suggested one time on Skype that might be when he visits.
- the first day he was there after church, you all were spending time with him in the guest quarters. Abdulrahman, you were playing on the iPad. Kaday and Sufian, you were eating sweets and singing. Foday, you were at Bible study. that snapshot in time pretty much says it all right there.
- dad began talking to you about court. Foday, you were so proud to tell dad that you had saved your court clothes and had not worn them. you raced to show dad that you had hidden your and your brothers' court clothes in the ceiling in your bedroom. even your caregiver had no idea they were up there! i gave you those clothes in February when i was visiting, and you took it very seriously when i said to save those nice clothes to wear to court.
- Foday and Abdul, you have a million questions about America! "can i play basketball? can i play soccer? is america as big as sierra leone? how do we get there? how long does it take? can i have a motorcycle in america? (NO!)" and on and on and on...
- a team of teachers visiting from Nashville did reading assessments on the children at the center. we were informed that Foday, you are reading at just before a 2nd grade level. Abdul, you are reading at a 1st grade level. That means you are almost on target for your age group! THAT MAKES US SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Kaday and Sufian were not assessed, but we're sure you guys are brilliant, too.
- on the third day, dad went to meet the Shenge family. he and Mohamed picked them up at a ferry port and brought them back to the center. there they met to discuss court proceedings. your two uncles and your birth mother had made the long journey to be present for the big day. we heard they had family in Freetown that they would be staying with, but we didn't know who.
- at the center, you three boys were able to spend time with your birth family. dad went up to the guest quarters to give you time to yourselves. soon, everyone had come up to the guest quarters. he said that Abdul, you were showing your birth mother Konima the iPad. she thought the talking apps were so funny! it made me happy to know you were spending time with your Shenge family. they are near and dear to my heart, and i plan on never letting you forget where you came from.
- and guess what? we found out you have a sister. she is going to college in Freetown and she speaks excellent English. i'm hoping dad will spend some time with her and get to know her story and, hopefully, more of yours. it's confusing sometimes that we find these things out almost by accident, but i understand the culture is different there. what is important to us may mean something very different in Sierra Leone.
- Uncle Quami spoke to you, Kaday, with dad. he tried to explain why you would not be going to court with your brothers and why you would not be coming to America at the same time. dad said he did a wonderful job explaining and trying to make you feel confident of our love and plans for you.
court. yes, dad and you boys went to court yesterday! finally, after almost 6 months of waiting for the day that was supposed to come in February, the judge finally heard our case. she called dad into her chambers first. he said she was incredibly kind and intelligent. she attended university in Ireland! dad told her someday he would love to visit Ireland. she expressed how grateful she was for his respect of their culture. she seemed impressed that dad was so quiet and respectful of her position. i'm grateful for how well your dad handled that situation. he knew that she desired respect like any other human being, and that our sometimes brazen and over-assertive American ways are not appreciated in other cultures.
then she called each of you boys into her chambers one by one. dad said she didn't ask you any questions, but she gave you a single instruction. she said that you must be good boys when you get to America. that you must behave well and that you will have to be better than any American kids. i appreciated her saying that to you. i think you all respect your Sierra Leonean elders, and you took her words seriously. that said, i believe that you deserve a childhood of opportunity like any American child, and i know you will work hard to be the best you can be at whatever it is you strive to achieve.
next she called your uncles and birth mother into her chambers. i don't know specifics, but i know she made sure your Shenge family knew what adoption meant and what the laws are surrounding adoption. dad said later your Shenge mother expressed her worry to Mohamed that you boys would forget her. i wish i'd been there to hug her, hold her hand and tell her how much we now love HER as an extension of our love for you. i wanted her to know that we have her picture on our wall. that we talk about her and Shenge almost every time we Skype. that someday we will visit again. that someday we will all go back and spend time with them, love them, and Lord willing help their village become prosperous. i am in awe of Shenge, and one day i know it will be very instrumental in my life. that place and those people already have been because they gave us you.
today dad and Abdulrahman are on their way to Shenge. they are traveling with your birth family and your sister. your grandfather asked to see Abdulrahman one last time before he comes to America, so that is the reason Abdul traveled, too. this is when i hope dad will be able to speak with your sister. i just can't express how much i love your birth family and your birth village, Shenge. i don't know what God has planned for us concerning Shenge, but dad and i are already praying about it. that is a blessed place.
today the judge is supposed to sign the court order for our adoption. that document and several others will come back with dad and we will submit them to the US government and the Embassy in Sierra Leone. it could be another 6 months of waiting. i am praying with all my might that you will be home by Christmas. your Mimi (dad's mom) called me last night to say she had bought your first Christmas gifts. she was so excited. everyone is so excited you're coming home. people ask about you every day, and the best i can tell them is that we remain faithful that you'll be home when you're supposed to be home. a friend sent me this Bible verse yesterday when i was in the impossible emotional storm of waiting to hear about court: Eph 3:20 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory..." God is in control, not me. God will watch over you, Kaday, while we fight to bring you home. God will bring you home, boys, when it is time.
i love you. i miss you. i am so grateful and thankful that we have been blessed with you as our children. WE are the lucky ones.
love, mom
PS - skype this week... i think dad visiting is good for your souls!
PS - skype this week... i think dad visiting is good for your souls!
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