wow, today is hard for some reason. usually i breeze through this waiting thing. walkin' around like "i'm good, i got this, no big deal!" and most of the time i do, but today is tough. usually they're random days that sneak up and grab me. no bad news today. no concrete reason to be sad. no need to dwell on it. but then again, sometimes i do need to dwell on it.
we had the incredible honor of hosting your center's director quami, his wife madonna, and their brand new baby karen for dinner last night. auntie erica spoke at a church near our house last night, and so we invited the agbermodjis, rusts, grams, auntie allison, and garret-james-kirschbaums over for some dinner. it was pretty surreal to have quami in our living room, eating a hamburger off a floral paper plate and drinking from a pink plastic cup, but there he was. a little piece of all of you right there in front of us. he's an incredible man, and i hope we have the opportunity to continue to keep quami in our lives even after you guys come home. he's been a blessing to you all and the other 120 orphans he presides over. and so he is a blessing to me and dad, too. he told us you are all doing well. he said you still fight every time you get a chance, sufian! (we're gonna need to work on that.) kaday, he said your behavior is getting better and better.
dad and i are trying to make a tough decision, and i wish God could just shoot me a quick email and give me a clear answer. whatever happens, i know He is in control, but i want to be in control of when He's in control. you know? so God, time to be in control...riiiiiiight NOW! no? WHEN?!?!
i have that little lump in my throat that tells me i miss you BAD. the good news is we get to skype tomorrow! i am very thankful for that huge blessing and gift. few parents get to skype with their children halfway across the world while they're waiting to bring them home. so i will treasure these skypes, but they'll never quite be enough.
when will you get here? i don't know.
when can we go to court? i don't know.
all four at once? i don't know.
how will you do it? i don't know.
one day we will look back and barely remember this part (i think.) we'll snuggle up with an iPad, and i'll read this blog to you, and you'll hear how badly we wanted you to be home with us, and you WILL be home with us! one day.
"soon? God? yes? no? hello? ok, i'll wait. life is on Your timeline, not mine. you keep a calendar better than i do anyway..."
i love you all like crazy. i dream about you all the time. sometimes all four of you, sometimes two of you, sometimes just one of you. every night i get to see you, and it's always happy.
i love you,
mom
p.s. - dad has this crazy, harebrained idea that we're getting an electric car. i told him i've made enough big decisions in life this past year to last me...well, a lifetime, so it's up to him. it would be pretty sweet to drive around in a goofy looking electric car with four gorgeous black kids filling it up. to balance things out we'll get a suburban. then we can be environmentalists AND have a vehicle that can fit the whole family + dog.
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| Sufian with a "sweet" |
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| Abdul being his handsome self |
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| Foday and his first album cover |
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| Kaday and her "probably shouldn't be touching this but i'm going to anyway" face |
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