it's a brand new day...

dear kadey and boys,

i've been listening to a song over and over again lately.  the words say, "come rise up, come give love, what are you waiting for, it's a brand new day."  it's about dusting off the old and making it new.  seizing the day and forgetting the past.  give love today.  what are you waiting for?

i think the day i found out about you was my brand new day.  the old me is gone, and the new me sees this world with completely new eyes and feels things with a completely new heart.  i see things relative to you.  when something disappointing happens to me, i think about the disappointment you've dealt with.  when i'm envious of something someone else has, i think of the few things you have.  when i get angry at someone's actions, i think of the awful things that have been done to you.  when i don't like the meal i'm eating, i think of how many meals you've missed.  when i'm uncomfortable and tired, i think of the bed you sleep in now and the bed you didn't have for the first several years of your lives.  when i'm running for exercise and complaining about my hurting muscles, i think of how many times you had to run from danger to find safety...and how many times you might not have found that safety.

when i'm frustrated with my family, i think about how you lost your families - to death, to poverty, to hard life.

i am always reminded of all the life you've lived in such a short amount of time, and what a blessed life i've lived.  i can't wait for the day dad and i can make it up to you.  i can't wait for the day that you live in our house, you eat at our table, you sit in our laps and lay in our arms.  i can't wait for the day you feel our love for you and you know you are safe and cared for the rest of your lives.

today i miss you so much.  i know you are happy, healthy, safe, and loved by God and your caregivers, but i wish you were here so i could give you those things.

love,
mom