UPDATE: approximately 45 minutes after I published this blog, i got a phone call from USCIS with really great news. thank you, Jesus. massive, huge, gigantic thank you, Jesus.
if you know me, you know i have very vivid dreams almost nightly. for the most part they're happy dreams. i dream several times a week about you kids. that you're here in america to visit (i haven't dreamed you're here to stay just yet...) and that we get to spend a lot of time together. i dream that i'm in africa visiting you. usually my visit is a surprise, and your reactions are priceless!
my brain was in worry mode last night up until bedtime. just worried about timing, about our I-600 approval that we're waiting for, about your hearts and heads and bodies on the other side of the ocean. worried that the people building your new bunk bed did not find the right color of navy blue paint to compliment the jacobean stain of the two-tone color i want and why haven't i heard from them in a while and did they take our money and run? worried because our USCIS officer has not called me back since she told me she'd review our case that same day and call me the next day. worried that she sounded a bit uninformed regarding our case and is that normal? a bad sign? a good sign? why won't she call me back?!
i even got smoked in one of my fantasy football leagues this weekend...and it didn't really bother me. hmmm...
the sad thing is i've been smacked upside the head with so many blessings lately. i guess last night i just selfishly decided to dwell on the few things that aren't going perfectly the way i planned and forget to give thanks for the many, many things that out of the blue ARE going so well.
for example, me and dad have been having an ongoing disagreement about something really, really seriously, life-impactingly important. minivan vs. suburban. he thinks if we get a family vehicle it should be a minivan. (i bet he wouldn't feel that way if HE had to drive it.) i adamantly refuse. see, when i was about 14 years old, i got together with your Aunties Val and Al and our cousins Leigh Anne and Brenn, and we all agreed to a list of about 10 rules. i don't remember the other 9, but the one i do remember was NO MINIVANS. we grew up with Suburbans. always. i'm a Texas girl, and i don't do minivans. i do Tahoes and SUV's and Suburbans, but i do not do minivans.
so our dear Uncle Rick was in town this past weekend, and he so graciously offered us a FREE hand-me-down family vehicle for when you kids get home. what vehicle, you might ask? check out this monster on wheels:
she's a 2005, 4x4, Diesel powered Ford Excursion. i feel like i could take on the Afghanistan desert in this thing, and i absolutely love it. i cannot wait to cruise around town with my gorgeous black children in tow.
so, needless to say i win because FREE always wins. so, thank you Uncle Rick for our future new family wheels. i look forward to the day where we can park our diesel truck next to our Nissan Leaf in the driveway. a true American family!
all that to say, we have had the pants blessed off of us. some nights i succumb to worry and negativity, and my dreams are very good at reflecting that. but today is a shiny new day with a new mindset and new things. maybe we'll get a call this week telling us our case is officially going to the embassy. you never know!
dad is, too. we got a call wednesday morning letting us know that our case would be discussed with the judge on July 4th. we had a big decision to make. we decided dad would travel to be there in the event we weren't given a court date, and if we were, he would be there to go to court with you boys. we also knew this would give dad a chance to meet your birth family and to meet the judge who would grant us guardianship of you!
so dad got on a plane 48 hours later. we packed up candy, basketballs, clothes, school supplies, and other useful things. we found out shortly before he got on the plane that we had been give a court date of July 10. in what was (i'm sure) not a coincidence, July 10 was also Kaday's 7th birthday. big day. we've known all along that it will be hard for you, Kaday, to understand why you won't be going to court with your brothers. that it will be hard for us to walk away and leave the center with our boys to bring them home to America and have to leave you there, if only temporarily, while we fight to make you our daughter, too.
here's the thing. international adoption is so unknown, never guaranteed, and things can change in an instant. we had to decide - do we go ahead and move forward with the adoption of our sons or do we wait indefinitely to try to bring you all home at once? Kaday, your family is resistant to adoption, but i don't understand their reasons. i don't support their actions, and i don't understand why they are resistant to allowing others to give you a hopeful future when they don't seem interested in giving you one themselves. so we asked God, and we decided we would continue to move forward in bringing the boys home and continue to fight to bring your family around to the idea of adoption.
Kaday, i think you understand what that means. the thought of you feeling abandoned AGAIN, feeling left behind AGAIN, feeling tossed away AGAIN breaks my heart. but i know you are in a wonderful place, and your caregivers will help you know that you are loved by Jesus, me, and dad. that we WILL be back for you. that we will NOT stop fighting for you or give up on you. NEVER. someday, we WILL bring you home.
so dad is stressed. he's pretty overwhelmed with suddenly being a single dad to four very excited, chatty, spirited, and smart (sometimes too smart!) kids. that's hard in the best of circumstances, and it's about 100 times harder when you're tired from travel, worried about legal matters, emotional about what's next, and hot and sweaty. Sufian and Kaday, i think you two are going to turn him gray! the only good thing about how much you two fight is that you fight as much as a lot of brothers and sisters do, so we tell ourselves this is a good thing in some ways!
we have talked every day, and he's shared some experiences with me. i want to remember these things, so here are a few of them:
about 10 minutes after you first saw him, Kaday, you said, "dad, will you be back in September?" he laughed and said, "but i'm here now!" and you insisted that he must return in September because we had suggested one time on Skype that might be when he visits.
the first day he was there after church, you all were spending time with him in the guest quarters. Abdulrahman, you were playing on the iPad. Kaday and Sufian, you were eating sweets and singing. Foday, you were at Bible study. that snapshot in time pretty much says it all right there.
dad began talking to you about court. Foday, you were so proud to tell dad that you had saved your court clothes and had not worn them. you raced to show dad that you had hidden your and your brothers' court clothes in the ceiling in your bedroom. even your caregiver had no idea they were up there! i gave you those clothes in February when i was visiting, and you took it very seriously when i said to save those nice clothes to wear to court.
Foday and Abdul, you have a million questions about America! "can i play basketball? can i play soccer? is america as big as sierra leone? how do we get there? how long does it take? can i have a motorcycle in america? (NO!)" and on and on and on...
a team of teachers visiting from Nashville did reading assessments on the children at the center. we were informed that Foday, you are reading at just before a 2nd grade level. Abdul, you are reading at a 1st grade level. That means you are almost on target for your age group! THAT MAKES US SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Kaday and Sufian were not assessed, but we're sure you guys are brilliant, too.
on the third day, dad went to meet the Shenge family. he and Mohamed picked them up at a ferry port and brought them back to the center. there they met to discuss court proceedings. your two uncles and your birth mother had made the long journey to be present for the big day. we heard they had family in Freetown that they would be staying with, but we didn't know who.
at the center, you three boys were able to spend time with your birth family. dad went up to the guest quarters to give you time to yourselves. soon, everyone had come up to the guest quarters. he said that Abdul, you were showing your birth mother Konima the iPad. she thought the talking apps were so funny! it made me happy to know you were spending time with your Shenge family. they are near and dear to my heart, and i plan on never letting you forget where you came from.
and guess what? we found out you have a sister. she is going to college in Freetown and she speaks excellent English. i'm hoping dad will spend some time with her and get to know her story and, hopefully, more of yours. it's confusing sometimes that we find these things out almost by accident, but i understand the culture is different there. what is important to us may mean something very different in Sierra Leone.
Uncle Quami spoke to you, Kaday, with dad. he tried to explain why you would not be going to court with your brothers and why you would not be coming to America at the same time. dad said he did a wonderful job explaining and trying to make you feel confident of our love and plans for you.
court. yes, dad and you boys went to court yesterday! finally, after almost 6 months of waiting for the day that was supposed to come in February, the judge finally heard our case. she called dad into her chambers first. he said she was incredibly kind and intelligent. she attended university in Ireland! dad told her someday he would love to visit Ireland. she expressed how grateful she was for his respect of their culture. she seemed impressed that dad was so quiet and respectful of her position. i'm grateful for how well your dad handled that situation. he knew that she desired respect like any other human being, and that our sometimes brazen and over-assertive American ways are not appreciated in other cultures.
then she called each of you boys into her chambers one by one. dad said she didn't ask you any questions, but she gave you a single instruction. she said that you must be good boys when you get to America. that you must behave well and that you will have to be better than any American kids. i appreciated her saying that to you. i think you all respect your Sierra Leonean elders, and you took her words seriously. that said, i believe that you deserve a childhood of opportunity like any American child, and i know you will work hard to be the best you can be at whatever it is you strive to achieve.
next she called your uncles and birth mother into her chambers. i don't know specifics, but i know she made sure your Shenge family knew what adoption meant and what the laws are surrounding adoption. dad said later your Shenge mother expressed her worry to Mohamed that you boys would forget her. i wish i'd been there to hug her, hold her hand and tell her how much we now love HER as an extension of our love for you. i wanted her to know that we have her picture on our wall. that we talk about her and Shenge almost every time we Skype. that someday we will visit again. that someday we will all go back and spend time with them, love them, and Lord willing help their village become prosperous. i am in awe of Shenge, and one day i know it will be very instrumental in my life. that place and those people already have been because they gave us you.
today dad and Abdulrahman are on their way to Shenge. they are traveling with your birth family and your sister. your grandfather asked to see Abdulrahman one last time before he comes to America, so that is the reason Abdul traveled, too. this is when i hope dad will be able to speak with your sister. i just can't express how much i love your birth family and your birth village, Shenge. i don't know what God has planned for us concerning Shenge, but dad and i are already praying about it. that is a blessed place.
today the judge is supposed to sign the court order for our adoption. that document and several others will come back with dad and we will submit them to the US government and the Embassy in Sierra Leone. it could be another 6 months of waiting. i am praying with all my might that you will be home by Christmas. your Mimi (dad's mom) called me last night to say she had bought your first Christmas gifts. she was so excited. everyone is so excited you're coming home. people ask about you every day, and the best i can tell them is that we remain faithful that you'll be home when you're supposed to be home. a friend sent me this Bible verse yesterday when i was in the impossible emotional storm of waiting to hear about court: Eph 3:20 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory..." God is in control, not me. God will watch over you, Kaday, while we fight to bring you home. God will bring you home, boys, when it is time.
i love you. i miss you. i am so grateful and thankful that we have been blessed with you as our children. WE are the lucky ones.
love, mom
PS - skype this week... i think dad visiting is good for your souls!
today i'm thinking a lot about this whole waiting thing. there are tangible and legitimate reasons why it's okay that you're not home yet. dad and i have much work to do before we welcome you home. things for work, things in our house, things in life. but sometimes, like right now, my head can tell my heart that until it falls off, but it doesn't make the waiting any easier.
about seven weeks ago we sat in our adoption attorney's office in Sierra Leone. he promised us we'd be in court in front of a judge that week. two weeks later i left, and we still hadn't been to court. another month has gone by and we're still waiting. it's okay. this is what we signed up for. it helps a little to know going into this that things will never operate on a timeline, even if someone tries to give you one. the blessing is that you have this much more time to spend with your friends, your caregivers, and be in your birth country. the curse is that i miss you. a lot. like crazy.
once we go to court, we will have another 4-6 months before dad can go get you. every time we skype you ask dad when he's coming to see you. then you giggle and smile those huge, gorgeous smiles!
this week ELEVEN of your friends came home to their American families.
The Jones' welcome home their eight children!
The Pyles with Betty, Fallah, and Sam
sam, the oldest at the center, the boy who started it all, came home to Kentucky. i was there as he set foot on american soil, stood in his very own bedroom for the first time, and ate pizza and cake with his five brothers and sisters.
sam is a celebrity in my opinion. he and his brother and sister deserve an easy road for the rest of their lives. they lived in the bad orphanage for a while until one day the Americans with The Raining Season came to visit the orphanage. sam saw an opportunity for rescue. he escaped from the orphanage and ran to the hotel where he knew the Americans were staying. he told them how they were abused, starved, and mistreated at the orphanage. he told them about all the kids that needed help so badly. he fought for himself, his brother and sister, his friends, and so many other kids. because of sam, TRS has rescued and empowered over 120 kids. he started it. he was the beginning.
i love sam because he's always been a role model, a big brother, and sometimes a father figure to you boys and so many other boys at the center. sufian, when you were misbehaving on my last trip you had a hard time listening to mom telling you how to behave! when sam showed up, you pulled it together immediately and obeyed every word. he earned your love and respect, and he earned mine.
betty is sam's little sister. the very first thing betty said to me was, "sufian, abdulrahman, and foday they say to tell you hello if i see you in America." i almost melted on the spot. a personal message from my boys! sufian, you and betty are especially close. i can't wait for the day when you can hug her again. she is a beautiful girl, and i am so honored i was there to welcome her home.
and sweet fallah. he is the youngest sibling, but just as respected as his older brother and sister. when i found out betty was in your apartment, kaday, and sam and fallah were in your room, boys, i felt like i'd won the lottery! they are superstar kids, superstar students, and incredible spiritual leaders.
Sam, Betty, and Fallah
welcoming these kids home make the waiting a little easier. even if our case isn't moving, at least others are. that makes my heart really happy!
so i will wait more. and i will miss you more and more. and i will love you more and more and more! but i am so blessed to be missing you, because that means i was given the opportunity to love you and know you.
**to order a coloring book, please look to the left of this blog post and click "Buy Now" to go to PayPal and purchase!**
dearest kiddos,
i am pretty excited about my latest endeavor. it's finally done!
a while ago I started trying to think of unique ways to raise money that will go towards the expenses of getting you guys here. somewhere in there, i tried to find some sort of children's book that we could give you guys to help you understand a little bit more what to expect when you come to America. one of my favorite moments of our trip to Sierra Leone was when dad took you guys to the bathroom and you encountered the electric hand dryer. it was really loud, and so you were scared at first because you didn't know what it was. you quickly learned it wouldn't hurt you and you started having a BLAST holding your hands and faces under it to feel the warm air. i never could find a book about those things...
so that got me thinking...what if i wrote my own book that helped you learn about some things to expect when you get home? because i couldn't find what i wanted, i decided i would write and draw a coloring book just for you! that way you all could do one of your favorite activities (coloring) and get familiar with a few sometimes scary and unknown things you will come across when you get to America. it took me a while, but i finally finished it. then i thought, well there are a lot of families that would maybe find this coloring book beneficial! families who are in the process of adopting kids, families who have adopted kids, kids who have friends who are adopted, or kids who have siblings who are adopted! to me, it was perfect - a way to help adopted kids AND a way to raise money to help get our children home!
here are some of my favorite letters:
(Dad must be scared of the vacuum. He never goes near that thing!)
i will bring four books with me next time we come see you. i don't know when that will be, but i know when we're there we can go through these books together and talk about the things in them. what is scary, what is exciting, and some other things you might be able to expect! i do hope this coloring book will help us talk about our new family and our new life together. i also hope it can help other families talk about things, too. at the very least, it will help kids learn the alphabet! kinda like you guys:
these last few weeks have been tough. dad and i think about you so much, and we miss you so badly. we wish you were here for so many things! we've had a lot of changes lately, and these changes are really forcing us to trust in God, trust in His greater plan, and have faith that He will take care of us. i am learning that a lot of things about my life a few months ago (a few weeks ago even) must not fit into this plan, because i am faced with a new direction. i do feel certain, though, that these changes are for the best, and i believe they are preparing us to be the parents that you need us to be.
i love you all. i can't wait to see you...maybe in the next few months?
wow, today is hard for some reason. usually i breeze through this waiting thing. walkin' around like "i'm good, i got this, no big deal!" and most of the time i do, but today is tough. usually they're random days that sneak up and grab me. no bad news today. no concrete reason to be sad. no need to dwell on it. but then again, sometimes i do need to dwell on it.
we had the incredible honor of hosting your center's director quami, his wife madonna, and their brand new baby karen for dinner last night. auntie erica spoke at a church near our house last night, and so we invited the agbermodjis, rusts, grams, auntie allison, and garret-james-kirschbaums over for some dinner. it was pretty surreal to have quami in our living room, eating a hamburger off a floral paper plate and drinking from a pink plastic cup, but there he was. a little piece of all of you right there in front of us. he's an incredible man, and i hope we have the opportunity to continue to keep quami in our lives even after you guys come home. he's been a blessing to you all and the other 120 orphans he presides over. and so he is a blessing to me and dad, too. he told us you are all doing well. he said you still fight every time you get a chance, sufian! (we're gonna need to work on that.) kaday, he said your behavior is getting better and better.
dad and i are trying to make a tough decision, and i wish God could just shoot me a quick email and give me a clear answer. whatever happens, i know He is in control, but i want to be in control of when He's in control. you know? so God, time to be in control...riiiiiiight NOW! no? WHEN?!?!
i have that little lump in my throat that tells me i miss you BAD. the good news is we get to skype tomorrow! i am very thankful for that huge blessing and gift. few parents get to skype with their children halfway across the world while they're waiting to bring them home. so i will treasure these skypes, but they'll never quite be enough.
when will you get here? i don't know.
when can we go to court? i don't know.
all four at once? i don't know.
how will you do it? i don't know.
one day we will look back and barely remember this part (i think.) we'll snuggle up with an iPad, and i'll read this blog to you, and you'll hear how badly we wanted you to be home with us, and you WILL be home with us! one day.
"soon? God? yes? no? hello? ok, i'll wait. life is on Your timeline, not mine. you keep a calendar better than i do anyway..."
i love you all like crazy. i dream about you all the time. sometimes all four of you, sometimes two of you, sometimes just one of you. every night i get to see you, and it's always happy.
i love you,
mom
p.s. - dad has this crazy, harebrained idea that we're getting an electric car. i told him i've made enough big decisions in life this past year to last me...well, a lifetime, so it's up to him. it would be pretty sweet to drive around in a goofy looking electric car with four gorgeous black kids filling it up. to balance things out we'll get a suburban. then we can be environmentalists AND have a vehicle that can fit the whole family + dog.
Sufian with a "sweet"
Abdul being his handsome self
Foday and his first album cover
Kaday and her "probably shouldn't be touching this but i'm going to anyway" face
a friend of mine and Auntie Meganjames' wrote this about our situation. i thought she said it beautifully, and so i wanted to share it with you. some day when you're older, you'll realize we took this step out of FAITH...nothing more...nothing less.
I haven’t yet addressed this whole subject here on the blog because I simply couldn’t figure out how to put something like this into words. My all time favorite word is mercy. Graceranks pretty high up there. A wood carving of blessings hangs in my living room to remind me of the privileged life I lead. But the word that I think best describes this entire situation: shock. No, I’m kidding. It’s faith.
When Megan – Obsessed, as you know her here – first told me about her baby project, I wasn’t at all surprised. In fact, I didn’t really think much of it. She’s always doing amazing things like this and she’s my only friend who has rampant baby fever like me. (Not that we were looking to have babies atthis moment, but we live for holding babies, and we like to talk of stealing other people’s babies (just temporarily). And we’re not afraid of babies. And, you know, we were never opposed to finding the right guy and just totally going along with his plan if he was ready for babies. That sort of thing. Baby fever = we know we want babies // everyone pretty much knows we want babies.) (I probably shouldn’t have said we have baby fever or tried to explain it.) Obviously I thought it was a wonderful thing to do, but it was not a shocking thing to do. Not for Megs. When she told me, my Mema was literally dying in hospice. Megan sent me a picture of the babes to cheer me up and explained that they were becoming a forever family. And it was just so appropriate. I suppose I get the baby gene from my Mema, who birthed twelve of them. Some might think that’s shocking. But it wasn’t. It was just Mema. And Megan adopting four orphans? That’s just Megan.
So I knew about it before the general public did. (Because duh, I’m like her soul mate.) And then this weird thing happened when people started finding out about it. Hey, that was back when it was just two orphans! Remember that? When Megan was only kinda sorta philanthropical? Ha. Anyways, people started asking me things like “what is this about Megan adopting orphans?” and “what is she thinking” and “did you tell her she is crazy?” and “I’m just not sure that she knows what she is getting into” and “how is she going to do it?”
And oooohhhh. Oh man. REALLY? My initial reaction to this was anger, because it felt judgmental. And I know that’s not what anyone meant (at least I hope it wasn’t), but it felt that way. It just seemed like everyone was sitting around being comfortable and then someone they know steps out of the comfort zone and they go “hold the phone! You don’t know what’s out there! You’re crazy!” Well…
DUH.
So the first few times it happened, I just said “I think it’s really brave.” and quickly changed the subject because I didn’t want to start a fight over something no one was trying to fight about except me, because I have this sort of passionate loyalty to people I love and their decisions. And it is really brave. But now, I’d like to answer these questions and attempt to explain what the heck her gung ho heart is doing.
“What is this about Megan adopting orphans?” Yeah. She’s adopting orphans. Do you know Megan? Megan has always wanted to adopt. Hello. She wants a Brangelina family, and I’m super jealous, because I told an ex long ago that I wanted to be the Branglina of Music Row, and he laughed. And she beat me to it! Dammit!!!!!
“What is she thinking?” Well, she’s not thinking, she’s acting. As I previously addressed, she’s been thinking about adoption since she could think, I think. She is beyond thinking. She is doing.
“Did you tell her she is crazy?” Well, yeah, of course I did. But I told her that long before she adopted orphans. We bonded over the whole she’s-batshit-crazy-lifestyle personality disorder. It’s kind of our thing. She’s currently ahead of me on the scale though, and I suppose I’ll never top adopting four orphans unless I adopt five orphans. We’ll see I guess. But okay, if you can’t get beyond the crazy, here ya go: Secular explanation from the great historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich: “Well behaved women seldom make history.” Biblical explanation from Joshua 14:9: “The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly.” Boom.
“I’m just not sure that she knows what she is getting into.” No, she doesn’t. There’s no handbook. Or maybe someone out there is currently authoring How To Live Life After You Bring Home Your Four African Orphans: You’ll Never Make Any Mistakes With The Help Of This Guidebook. Which would be like totally serendipitous timing. But you know how most parents of newborns say “I knew how tired I would be. I knew exactly what this love would feel like.” ??? And you know how parents always know that they made the right decision, that they made the right plan, that they chose the right education for their children, that they provided the exactly appropriate emotional support. ??? No one ever second guesses their parenting skills, right? And everyone who gives birth knows exactly what they are getting into. OH WAIT. So yeah, this is the most inane response of all. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE GETTING INTO WHEN THEY HAVE CHILDREN. Otherwise, half the breeders might not even do it. Or they would, whatever. But either way, no one has any idea about the highs and the lows and the love and the discourse and the incredibly impossible unexpectedly rewarding hard work. It’s unlike anything you will ever experience. But hey, what do I know, I don’t have any. That’s all just hearsay from generations of the human race procreating. Which leads me to…
“How is she going to do it?” I don’t know. She doesn’t know. And this is where that great word comes in: faith. How are you going to manage your future? Oh, I get it. You must know exactly what is going to happen with your life and the steps you are going to take to live it? Eeeehhh, wrong. When your feet hit the floor every morning, you are being faithful. Faithful that your legs are going to work to get you out of bed. And for the rest of your day, you are running on faith that your plans for whatever you are doing are going to be effective. And when they aren’t, you are having faith that you will somehow be equipped to navigate the unknown. Yes, she is making logical plans. Emotional plans, financial plans, baby daddy plans. But the big picture plan is just one word:faith. Faith that God’s plans are greater and far more logical than our own. Faith that people are prayingwith her and for her and Josh and the babies and the well-being of the whole situation. So whether it’s your situation or my situation or Megan & Josh’s situation or Melissa & Jeremy’s situation, we could all stand to do a little lessquestioning and a little more supporting and a lot more praying. Let’s all be faithful. Because you know who has been waiting for someone’s tiny mustard seed faith to grow into giant leaps and bounds of faith?
These four faithful hearts.
Call her crazy, but I like crazy. And I like babies. And I like passion. I love her heart and I love her faith.
